My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
