i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
