I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
