my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
