I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
