How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
