and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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