ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
