I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
