Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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