just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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