I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
