haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
