You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
