So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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