: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
