I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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