Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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