my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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