JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
