hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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