i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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