i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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