bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
