So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
