Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
