I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
