My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
