so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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