At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
