sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
