i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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