he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
