weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
