yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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