Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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