fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
