THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
