Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
