So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There r osticjed everywhere
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
