just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
