You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
