Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
