It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
