There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
