im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
