We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
