It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
