mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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