Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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