you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
