...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
